In case you haven’t already, I would recommend reading my post from a day or two ago – it would make this posts background a wee bit more clear.

*waits for you to finish reading linked post from above*

So, tomorrow is the funeral. There’s a bunch of thoughts racing through my mind (and I’m sure you don’t care about most, as most have no relation to the subject and are personal. I could type them out, but this is a blog, not a diary. There is a difference.)

What I know::

  • There’s going to be a viewing tomorrow at the funeral
  • I’m not allowed to take pictures (I asked my mother earlier today and she said that it was disrespectful)
  • I’m going. My little brother is going to a babysitters.
  • I have to wear this black dress that my mother picked out.
  • My dad said I can’t mention Eminem at all during the funeral.

What I’m nervous about::

  • I’ll start crying during it.
  • People around me will start crying which will make myself cry
  • I’ll get scared and give off the vibe of that to others during the viewing

What I don’t know::

  • What’s going to happen before/after the viewing
  • If there’s going to be singing
  • How I’m supposed to act.

See, I don’t know if I should act neutral or sad-ish or..normal? I’ll probably just watch the people around me and what they’re doing…I hope I don’t do what someone who has no idea what they are doing does. That would be bad.

But on the inside..I’m really really, really sad. But I know that death happens to everyone sometime and crying over it won’t bring them back or do anything at all. Yes, crying can make you feel better but it doesn’t do anything valuable for yourself or the person you’re grieving for in retrospect. So, I’ve had a poker face on. *breaks out to Lady Gaga*

I’ll make a post about how it goes afterward tomorrow.