Let me present to you something new, starting off with a brief..I almost want to say that I’m going to act like I’m selling the idea to you at first..

Have you got friends? A good job? A good education? Who needs all that! CTRL+V it by simply following this “How to be an asshole” guide, specifically written to satisfy any wanna-be assholes needs! Now, without further adu..

  • Step on peoples shoes – hey, we all love getting our shoes all muddy and dirty, why not help others do it too?
  • Hack forums and websites – bleh, regardless of the fact that people spend good hours upon hours working on it, and it becomes some peoples second homes – what the heck?! They’re just wasting their time on it anyway, you’re actually doing them a favor.
  • Tweet everyones secrets and private information – since you know about it, then it’s not actually technically a secret anymore…
  • Ram into people while playing flag football – it’s not actually against the rules to make contact with people, now is it? Ram into your peers like there’s no tomorrow! You’ll just be one step closer to being a full-on asshole!
  • Pass people in a no-passing zone – If the cop didn’t see it, then it didn’t happen. They won’t mind; I’m sure the other cars will obviously realize that I’m training to be up To Olivers professional assholes level of asshole-ism.
  • Speak in other languages to someone in front of peers – it’s not that annoying..heh what do your peers think you’re talking about? Them? Naw, you’re not that ass-ey..
  • Talk as loud as humanly possible – oh yeah, this one is attractive. Talk as loud as you can; it makes you sound so smart. There may be some semi deaf person across the room too.
  • Constantly “nudge” or “Buzz” someone on Yahoo Messenger/Windows messenger – Not only  does it occasionally freeze their screen, but it could distract them from something less important that they’re doing in another tab! Oh yeah!
  • Touching is the key – Yay physical contact! *Pops the personal space bubble* Bleh, who needs that blasted bubble anyway? It just stopped you from touching your peers hair, face, ect. and helps clog your route to the lane of asshole-ism!
  • You know it all – You’re the Furor. You’re the master. You’re higher than Obama. Cooler than Emilie Autumn and Eminem combined. You’re hot shit, man. You know it all; why not share that with everyone by telling them when they are grammatically incorrect, or when you find something wrong with what they say or do?

Duh-duh-duh-duh that’s all folks! ;) Part two may or may not come out eventually.

(C) Sarcastic humour inc.
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