So, one day in a land full of unicorns, Eminem, Emilie Autumn, YA novels, and blogs, an average female who calls herself  “Anathema” could not think of a way to start off a review. See, she strongly dislikes beginning a review or any kind of writing without an opening that makes the reader want to read more. So what did that female do? She went to log into her fancy ‘lil blog to write a post about it.

I hate to write with wet hair. I hate to write without warm fuzzy socks on. (This one actually has nothing to do with the purpose of me saying my pet peeves, but I also hate the wordpress spell check. It seriously sucks.) I hate to write without some sort of drink in hand. Right now I’m doing all of which, except the last. I have a Coke at my side, but I’m sick and my neck-musle-thing hurts a lot, making it hurt to swallow. Anyway, now that we’re getting into the actual topic of this post *clears neck-musle-thing*

I find it so hard to write the opening to sometime. I’ll have a great idea for a blog post, but not have a good opening so it’ll end up never getting published. The same thing happens with my reviews, blog posts for other sides, and just writing in general. Maybe because of the pressure knowing that it is just about the most important part of the book/post/review and if it sounds bad then there is a chance that the audience will not read any further? Because it is the first thing that the intended audience sees?

When I was younger, I was taught to start every piece of writing as such;

A) Pose a question to catch interest (i.e. Have you ever tried holding your breath under water for four hours? Well that’s nothing for a whale!)
B) Use some sort of onomonopia to start it. (i.e. CRASH! The lamp skidded around the floor from the impact,)
C) Start with an interesting fact or describe the scene around them (no examples needed, I think that this one is pretty self-explanatory)

Regarding letter A, I think that constantly posing a question can be corny or just plain stupid. Regarding letter B, I think that using an onomonopia can be a bit annoying or make the story or article itself seem to be more interesting or animated than it really is. That is false advertising in a way, and is just plain irritating. Regarding number C, I think that that tends to be the best way to go if you can only pick from those three options.

Of course, if you work better with onomonopia and you can make it sound fair in your writing by using it as an opening then nothing is stopping you though (not that I have to mention that; I highly doubt my post would influence someone to stop or start writing a certain way). Really, everyone writes differently (making me strongly dislike English/writing class and tests) so if it works for you and in your writing, congratulations.

But if your idea of “describing the scene” is “A green cow was next to me. I sat facing the wind. The ocean was in front of me. It is night. I am cold. I am thinking..” because that’s…”bleh”. I think that making your words fluffy can make anything sound better. For example, in one of the paragraphs above I said “I strongly dislike” which is basically the equivilant of saying “I hate..” but “I strongly dislike” makes it sound better because you’re kind of implying that you hate them because strongly disliking is hating in a way. But you’re not out-right saying you hate them. Here is what I would change the example of a bad opening paragraph from above to;

“A sudden sound emitted from what I thought was the empty space beside me, turning my head I was curious as to what it was. The wind blew in my face, chilling me to the bone as I faced it head-on to attempt to see what the sound came from. It was a creature I had come to know all my life, from growing up in a small town farm, but this creature was different. It was green, as opposed to the typical black. It was spotted pink as opposed to being spotted white. It was a cow. The ocean roared in front of me, making me realize that this situation I was thrown into was odder than I had ever imaged; I’m sitting on a beach in the middle of October, and a green and pink cow suddenly comes to my side. My heart leaps from..”

That’s just how I would put it though. There’s a whole universe of things that you can do with your words. Which reminds me, I was listening to Eminems (and I think D12 is in it too) old song “My words are weapons”. That really doesn’t add anything to this, but the name fit with this whole topic, so I thought I would mention it.

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